Okay, this is titled oddly, I know. This has a lot to do with what I am going to be talking about in this blog post.
I have always become embarrassed easily and when you add teenage angst and emotion to that it gets even worse. This is a post mainly about the embarrassment that I receive when someone asks me if they can read what I have written in the past, or even recently for that matter. My past writing is a huge source of embarrassment for me if I have not edited it, and I have not edited most of it. My current writing is also embarrassing because all I write about is Doctor-freaking-Who.
My writing is an extension of myself and whenever I write something it is like adding another appendage to my person. If it is something well written, it is another extension or a well-formed appendage. If I write something that is simply terrible and god-awful, then it is a poor extension of myself and like a little gimpy appendage. That is how I see my writing and when someone asks to see my writing it is like they are asking to see one of my extra appendages.
Why would you ask to see any of my extra appendages?
I am okay with sharing what I write, although I might be embarrassed, I really am. When people continually ask for me to share my writing it puts me off, and I do not know how to respond. I have promised a lot of people that they can read something that I have written or I will send them what I am currently writing, but then I freak out and I keep it all to myself because I think it is not good enough and that the person I am sending these things to might hate it. This is literally how I live. I live in the constant fear that my writing is not good enough and if I send it to someone they will make fun of me.
I know that most people are critical of other people's writing, or at least I am. When I review other people's writing I almost immediately start editing it in my head. I am not good at grammar, or at least I am not perfect at it. I will try and convince you that I am, but I am not. That is another reason why I do not share my own work here that often unless it is highly edited and I have read it to several other people first to make sure that someone, anyone will like it. That is simply how I am. I do not take literary criticism well and when my composition teacher told me that I needed to cut down on detail so I had more time for revision (we write in-class papers and all) I almost went home and cried afterwards because I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. He did not completely criticize the way I write, but I thought that was what he was doing.
All in all, my writing is an extension of myself. An appendage you might say. This is why I am hesitant to share my novels with anyone. They are like poorly formed appendages that are not useful to anyone except me yet, in some odd way that has not been discovered. That is why I do not share my stories although I may be excited to, and I may promise to. You will all see my work someday, just not right now because I am not ready to show you my work. It is something that will take much patience from me and from you, my young paduans.
I promise that someday I will share more of my writing with you, but for now all you will be able to do is hear about how my writing is going and my rants on it. There might be short stories and poems scattered here and there, but I will not be sharing my novels for quite a while. I hope you all can understand.
Love me anyway, please?
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